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Not sure what to say today. Am feeling relatively balanced. And tomorrow will be Friday. I just need to regroup.

What do you see when you look at your world today
Is it so full of clutter that you feel like you’re going insane
And you can’t fight back cause you’re just too afraid
And it seems like the clouds in your sky don’t wanna change

You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice

When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
You’re blinded by the lightning
Do you also hear that still, small voice saying
It’s okay you’re not alone
You may be scared to death but I won’t let you go
You may think the sky above is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling

What do you see when you look at your world today
Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray
Well start by counting your blessings one by one
Oh and I’m sure right there, you’ll start to see the sun
You see there’s always another story, another side to every coin
And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice

Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine

- Jesus Calling by 33 Miles

Labels: God, Life, Lyrics

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Changing World - Kutless

I generally think of myself as a pretty smart person, but I gotta say I feel pretty stupid spiritually. I feel like I'm constantly relearning the same lessons in life.

I thought I had it all under control
I thought my fate was still in my hands
All of my plans were firmly set
By the words that I say

Why is it so hard to remember that I'm not the only one with a plan for my life, not the most important plan for my life anyway.

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

Sometimes I'm not even sure what it is I have planned for myself. What I'm aiming for, what I want out of all of this. Why do I struggle so hard and feel so crestfallen when things that ultimately I'm not sure are meant for me pass me by? Maybe that is God's will for me and not earthly "success."

My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
Though I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams

I'll have to figure the rest of this out tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

Labels: Life, Lyrics

Thursday, February 04, 2010

lyrically speaking

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

damaged at best

Well, hello there! It looks like blogger has finally fixed the publishing glitch that made it so I couldn't update. I guess technically I could have uploaded something using an ftp server but that would have taken a lot of...effort. And I've been...tired.

I am doing better. I even wandered out and actually hung out with other human beings outside of work and other than Paul. Work has sort of improved. Life is holding steady. I still owe people emails (sorry Todd! I promise I will write you back as it's definitely been on my mind).

I'll be going on a cruise in a couple weeks and I can't wait. I hope somehow I'll come back recharged, reset, ready to face whatever is coming. The last few months have taken a lot out of me and I've felt like I've been slipping back into my old "I want to crawl into a dark hole wrapped in a warm blanket" ways. It's not as easy to do that, though, when you actually have a job and a husband and bills to pay. But I suppose this is a good thing since being depressed is not a great thing. Although it is somehow...comforting? It's familiar at least. Is that weird? Probably.

For the past few months I've been having a lot of dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them. Rarely do I wake up with a good feeling. I've even started taking sleeping pills off and on because it's the only thing that makes me feel like I've actually slept. I haven't been having any recurring dreams, they're always different, sometimes they're even kind of funny when I wake up and think about what the dream actually was, but I can't escape that uncomfortable feeling while I'm actually having the dream - and those first few seconds when I'm shaking out of unconsciousness. I can't pinpoint what it means exactly, except the obvious, something is bothering me. It would be easy to say it's work, it's the unknown of Paul not having a job, it's this, it's that. I don't know. I don't really care. I just want one non-drug induced dreamless night. I used to love having dreams and now I just want to not wake up feeling like I spent the whole night doing whatever happened in my dream.

Anyway, now that I've written a sufficiently non-coherent post, I shall leave you with these lyrics which I think do a pretty good job of summing up how I feel these days...By the way, how obvious is it that this is a Christian song in the guise of a secular one?

The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That I'm looking for purpose
I'm still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm barely holding onto you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what
You will throw my way
I'm hanging on
To what you say
You said that I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on...
I'm barely holding onto you

- Broken by Lifehouse

Labels: Depression, Life, Lyrics

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

taking the words right out of my mouth

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

because i keep ending up at these lyrics

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Stand In The Rain - Superchick