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you've come a long way baby (10yr bloggiversary)
Oh hey. Yup, still here. First I got some spyware thing on my computer (I swear I was not surfing around on any sketchy sites, I maintain that I was on NBAdotcom when all hell broke loose) which required Paul to take over my computer for several days and when I came back everything had been wiped clean, including all my internet favorites (which I did forget to backup when I was backing up everything else, nice work Joyce). Then my domain name expired and I admit, this is my own fault because they did send me several emails reminding me to renew and I was like, oh April 7th, I have so much time! Except then it was suddenly April 9th and er, yeah... BUT, I'm back now and have suffered no consequences as a result of my forgetfulness so I will probably do the same thing again next year. Because honestly, I think this is what has happened almost every year for like the last nine years. Holy cow people, do you realize I've been blogging for a DECADE? My first blog was on geocities (do they even still exist) and it was probably actually more of a journal and I had to hand code and FTP each page. And when I changed the layout, I'd have to then go back and copy each old post into the new layout, page by page, and re-FTP the whole damn thing. (As an aside I'm ashamed to admit that my very first website had those tacky javascript snowflakes constantly floating down the page - don't judge me I was 17 and didn't know any better!). Blogging has been very good to me over these past ten years. At times it has saved my sanity. At times, it has allowed me to go back and laugh at myself. It got me into graduate school (yes, really). I started blogging during one of the hardest times of my adolescent life and through the years I've made some wonderful friends because of this site. This blog has seen me through my senior year of high school, college, more jobs than I care to admit, a graduate degree, Paris, boyfriends, depression, physical illness, recovery and of course the hubby. I think I also went from thinking I was a liberal to being a pretty hardcore conservative on this blog. Funny. Anyway, lately I've been feeling like my life is in flux. I don't know whether I'm coming or going, what to do about my career, what I should be focused on, where my life is heading, or even where to live (have I ever told you how much I hate house hunting?). But you know, ten years ago, did I see myself where I am today? Nope. So I guess I just need to quit worrying and just get out there and keep living and keep writing about it.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Geez, day 2 and I almost decided to just scrap the whole thing. When did blogging get so hard? Okay, it's not, I'm just tired (when am I not?). I had this whole post planned out in my head, about competitiveness and how I've realized that I've become insanely competitive, mainly having to do with this being the first time in my life I'm not 100% sure I can compete with the people I'm trying to impress. Actually I don't even know if "competitive" is the right word. Maybe I should call it a feeling of abject terror at the thought of failing. Like to the point where when I realize I haven't done something up to expectations my palms start to sweat and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Yes, really. Then I realized, I don't have much else to say about the topic beyond that. That I have developed this unhealthy obsession to succeed at something and sometimes I don't even know why. Actually I do know why - because I want to be the best, dammit, and I'm not sure I can be and just thinking that thought makes me twitch. Confession: Sometimes at work I have to stop what I'm doing for a moment and type out the lyrics to a praise song. It's the only way to calm myself down when I'm on the brink of totally flipping out (in my head only, of course) over some perceived colossal failure that (hopefully) is just a small oops in reality. It helps me remind myself that God doesn't care about any of the stuff that's stressing me out, so ultimately why should I? Do I sound totally neurotic yet? Yes? I thought so. Labels: 7 posts in 7 days, blogging, Make Joyce go something something, the grind
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
How is it that I blinked and suddenly Q4-09 is around the corner? Where did the year go? January seems like both yesterday and a hundred years ago. I haven't been a very good blogger in recent years, but certainly 2009 was a new low for me. Those "x number of posts in x number of days" commitments have become popular with bloggers who have let their blogs fall by the way-side and that sounds like a good idea to me. So I've decided to attempt something relatively modest and launch my own 7 posts in 7 days. From there, we'll see. I stayed late at work today for a teaching conference call (I actually enjoy these things because I can make believe I am back in my carefree college days - of course it is much harder to pay attention when 3,000 miles away from the speaker) and by the time I left it was way past my normal departure time. The office was empty except for my colleagues in other departments, most of whom I've never met. I rode the elevator with a friendly fellow from the equity research group and this is when I came to the realization that I often totally ignores peoples names when introducing myself. It is actually a more frequent occurrence when I'm slightly intimidated by the person I'm meeting because I perceive them as being more important than I am. I start to blank out as they say their name because I'm frantically trying to think of what I should say next. What if I say The Wrong Thing? What then?? So while they speak I carefully plan my response and by the time they are done introducing themselves and a polite conversation pursues and ends, I walk off only to realize I have no clue who I just met beyond what they do and (maybe only vaguely) what they look like. Now I'm in a panic because the next time I meet them it is not polite to ask them their name again and I will just have to hope I'm never in a position where I have to introduce this person to anyone. Now that I realize my bad habit I'm going to make a concerted effort to PAY ATTENTION! to people's names when I meet them. After all, names are strangely important to people. Labels: 7 posts in 7 days, blogging, the grind
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I have been a very bad blogger lately. I don't know what it is. I can't lie and say I don't spend time on the computer because I do. I spend hours upon hours playing DOTA until I'm wondering why I'm still awake when I have to get up at such an ungodly hour the next day. But I've been having a hard time trying to string together a blog post worth of sentences that are worth actually posting. Life is...just dull lately since work consumes most of my day and the rest of my day is usually spent trying to forget about work. Actually this post is going to have to be cut short because I have a 5:30am conference call tomorrow. Ugh. Anyway, I'm hoping this is just a little blogging funk because I realized that I've been blogging for nine years this month and I really like being able to go back through my archives (as awkward and embarrassing as it can be at times) and reading about parts of my life I've totally forgotten about. Feelings, people, random things that happened to me that are all a part of who I am today but that have totally slipped my mind. Nine years...gosh I'm getting old. It's been nine years since I was a senior in high school?? Labels: blogging
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Last year I tried out the whole blog-every-day-of-November thing and I kind of briefly considered it this year, but you know what? I have enough on my mind without feeling guilty about not wanting to stare at another computer screen after spending twelve hours staring at four. But, I am going to try to blog more anyway because I think it's a good outlet for me and I am coming dangerously close to...I don't know what? Freaking out and bashing in all the computer monitors at work? Hah, kidding...sort of. I made Paul promise that we are going to attend church service tonight, something we haven't done here in San Francisco, well, ever. There have been a lot of weeks where I started off Sunday morning insisting we attend church but by the time 6pm rolled around (the church we would attend only has an evening service) it was kind of like, meh, it's so late and we have to get up so early, blah blah, excuse, excuse. But I just feel like there must be a reason for what's happening in my life now and I've never needed God's presence more to help me just hang in there. Because seriously? I'm thisclose to something not good. My friend Lian's wedding is next weekend in NYC and I'm sooo happy that she's found such an awesome guy and so honored to be part of her wedding...but at the same time the thought of traveling across the country right now is just exhausting. I'm sure once I get there things will be fine, but thinking about it is making me want to tear my hair out. Labels: blogging, God, the grind
I'm not sure how I'm going to write a zillion grad school application essays when I can't even seem to squeeze out an entire blog post about the things I actually really want to write about. Labels: blogging, Grad School
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I keep trying to post. I have all these half-written posts about things ranging from my health to how pissed I am about the House foreclosure bailout bill. And yet, I don't know. I feel like I've forgotten how to write creatively, how to say things in such a way that I don't bore myself to tears... This design has remain unchanged for a year and a half and at this point I'm willing to blame it for my lack of inspiration. So...we'll see if I can pull myself together (I am gearing up for some hardcore Series 7 studying soon so you KNOW I'll be looking for any way to procrastinate) and make myself a layout that actually makes me want to write again. I'm considering moving towards more of a diary format as opposed to a blog, mainly because I'm hoping that will push me into the type of writing that will actually improve my writing abilities, as opposed to just posting little snippets here and there. Stay tuned! Labels: blogging
Saturday, November 24, 2007
So I forgot to post on Thanksgiving and then I was like okay, whatever, I fail. I had a pretty good run there, though. Paul and I have managed to do almost nothing for the past couple days except watch basketball and reruns of Heroes. It's been awesome. I mean that. What with work and all I haven't been able to just laze around like this in way too long. Labels: blogging, Life, The Hubs
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Um...oops? I meant to blog yesterday, I really did. I even opened up a "create post" page and everything. I just didn't have anything to say so I thought I'd wait a bit to see if the creative juices would start flowing...and then I fell asleep. Blogging at 7:50 a.m. on a Sunday morning should almost count as blogging on Saturday night shouldn't it?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Apparently my last post has been publishing since I wrote it sometime around midnight last night. What was I doing up at that hour considering I was back at work by 5 a.m. today? I was being an idiot. That's what. I know all two of you who read this blog (or am I back to talking to myself again?) have been patiently waiting for something of substance to come out of this whole thirty days of blogging thing - especially since if you read the NaBloPoMo website you know that it is based off a novel writing challenge. Thus one can deduce that the purpose of this exercise is to actually improve one's writing and not just to post a word or two every day for the next month. So, anyway. Let's talk about feminism, family and careers. A few months ago I had a conversation with one of my more liberal girl friends (but let's face it, I've lived my whole life on the good ol' left coast - most of my friends range from liberal to very liberal) and she pointed out to me how "unfair" it is that pregnancy and child-rearing doesn't affect the man's career the way it affects the woman's. I got where she was coming from, sure, but pointed out that it was one of those things that would likely always be unfair due to the fact that men will never carry babies and women will always be more likely to actually want to quit their jobs and take care of the little ones. This isn't to say I don't think men should have an equal share in taking care of the kids - they should - but there's a little secret that feminists haven't been let in on yet: life's not always fair and things that "should" happen aren't always the most realistic in practice. There must be a reason that I hear all the time about highly successful women (doctors, lawyers, marketing executives, etc.) who after having their children decide they don't want to work anymore. They do not feel that taking care of their children full time is a "waste" of their degrees or years of experience. Feminists may find this unbelievable, but it's absolutely true. I think I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but my main point to her was that sure it's not fair, but there's no real solution either so why dwell on it? She seemed unconvinced and even threw out the possibility of forced paternity leave to "level the playing field." Thinking back, the part of the conversation I find the most interesting is when she brought up her opinion that women should not be penalized or held back for missing time due to pregnancy when pursuing higher education. I think that it is this sort of thinking that makes most men despise feminism with a passion. This new (or maybe old? I really don't know much about the history of feminism to be honest..) breed of feminist that wants it both ways: they want men to respect them as 50/50 equals and yet they want men to give them the advantage when they need it. My friend's main argument was an understandable one: women have a limited time to get pregnant and to get education/training. Which again, I understand. It sucks having to make that choice between advancing your career and starting a family. And yes, it sucks that men don't face exactly the same consequences that women do when it comes to having a family. But there's really no "fair" way to change this - really the only way this would change is if we were able to change the biology of men and women. Which isn't gonna happen. And you don't make it "fair" by lowering standards for women when what you say you're striving for is equality! Just a little disclaimer, I'm not criticizing my friend, she made some good points and arguments...I just don't buy them. And I'm sure she feels the same way about mine! Labels: blogging, Feminist Drivel
Monday, November 05, 2007
You don't know this but every day I come home and I sit in front of this computer (after sitting in front of four screens for 10+ hours at work) and I try to come up with something to write about because God knows when I'm not actually able to blog I can think of a billion things I want to write about...and I draw a blank. And that is about where I am today. I could write about work but I don't particularly want to and honestly I don't know what I would say about it anyway? It's just work and it's not particularly interesting unless you're into that stuff... Okay, whatever, my eyeballs hurt...so...gonna go play with our new Wii now! Labels: blogging
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Um. Doh? As you can see, I've already missed Day 2. But in my defense, I was really tired. (Okay, so that's a bad defense). It felt like such a long day even though I actually got to leave the office at 2:45. All the salespeople called it quits early and one of our main systems shut down at 5:30 ET for some sort of upgrade, so Clif and I pretty much just took off after the big boss left. It's weird, as much as I do like what I do because it is challenging, some days it's just a bit much. It's not usually anything in particular that makes that day feel so much worse than every other day. It just does. And it is usually an office-wide feeling. At one point yesterday I had to turn around because I couldn't look at my four monitors anymore. My eyes were literally glazing over. For about thirty minutes I was seriously busy taking care of time sensitive issues and I could see my email box just filling up. By the time I had a moment to take a look at it, I had about thirty unread emails. Anyway, enough about work. It's the weekend, wahoo! I've already cleaned the bathroom, the closet and the tv area this morning. The fact that I'm up and working by 5:15 a.m. five days a week makes it really hard to sleep much past 7:30 a.m. the other two. Labels: blogging
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I confess. I almost forgot about this whole blogging every day thing. But, as you can see, I did not. This week hasn't been particularly busy and I'm actually starting to really feel like I have a handle on things but I'm exhausted. So glad tomorrow is Friday. Time for bed. (Yes, I realize this is a sad excuse for a post but it's all I've got right now!)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I decided to do something drastic about how infrequently I post nowadays so...I decided to join NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) and will be posting daily for the month of November (or trying to anyway). Bear with me as I am rusty and out of practice and have only been writing things like, "Please amend xyz" or "Please advise abc." Of course, expect a lot of pictures. Hm. Or not. It is a lot easier to tap a bit on the keyboard than it is to download a picture, resize it and then upload it to the web. Anyway, expect posting. Of what variety? That is yet to be determined. Labels: blogging
Monday, September 17, 2007
So...yes. I lied. It's been two weeks and no blogging >< Last week work went back to being a little nutty and two nights in a row I slept at 7:30. That's pm. Yeah, I'm like ninety now. You know what though? My life is really...dull. I wake up, I work, I walk home, I sit around and watch TV and contemplate the day I will begin to study for my Series 7 & 63 (tomorrow, I swear!). Then Paul comes home, we eat, play some DOTA or watch more TV, then sleep, rinse, repeat. Not very interesting to write about. Or read about, I imagine. I am probably lying again because I seem to do that a lot when it comes to what I plan to do with this website, but maybe I'll start trying to write more reviews of restaurants/things to do in SF. Paul and I are working on being all cultured and as such we have tickets to Mama Mia this Thursday. (Of course this means I will be asleep at my desk on Friday morning). That's about all we got going on here. Labels: blogging, Life, the grind
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