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Friday, April 23, 2010

let's talk about

Last night I threw up my dinner in the bathroom sink. Yes, disgusting I know.

I did attempt to work today but ended up coming home after a couple hours because my stomach just wasn't feeling okay. Assuming I'm not preggo since I just got through an unusually heavy period (sorry, TMI?) but since we have a ton of money in our FSA to use up maybe will meander over to the pharmacy tomorrow "just in case."

Bah, so I've started getting a bit more serious about my current job situation, specifically how to get into a better one. We'll see how it goes, but so far it has just brought back feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Reminds me of why I hated dating. I'm not into the game. I suck at the game. I am gameless. I just want to know if you like me or not. Also, not helping that a job I didn't even think I would be remotely qualified for was presented to me like, "well maybe this would work but I gotta check with The Boss" and now that I have that glimmer of hope I'm like MUST HAVE THAT JOB. PUH-LEEAASE. Will grovel for it maybe?

Dreams, lately my dreams have been...nostalgic. Disturbing. I wake up and hug my husband because nostalgia is overrated and my husband is the best man I've ever had in my life. It's weird when your subconcious is apparently still thinking about shit you thought was behind you. Kind of makes you want to punch your subconcious in the eye except it's just you at the end of the day so that would be counterproductive I guess.

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wingless was still breathing at 9:55 PM - 0 comments

Monday, June 25, 2007

Call me crazy, no seriously

So I briefly mentioned the fact that I now have a job in my last post. I should have been more specific - it's an offer. And now I will go into all of the anxiety that has surrounded and continues to surround said offer.

I spoke with the recruiter last, last Tuesday and was told the offer would likely arrive on Saturday. Since we were in Los Angeles for my little sister's graduation last, last weekend I didn't find out until we returned on Sunday that there was no offer to be found. I then proceeded to call my mom and sister ten times on Monday and once 3pm came and went and the nice FedEx man was nowhere to be seen I called Mr. Recruiter Man who told me that all the important people with the ability to sign the offer were away at important meetings and the offer would be sent tomorrow. And I'd receive it on Wednesday.

That was okay, until Wednesday came and went and I bothered my mom and Candace all day and they received nothing (except some wedding checks!) and then Thursday came and was starting to went but I called Mr. Recruiter Man and pestered him once again and he was like, "So sorry! Important people were still gone! But now they're back! And one of them signed! And offer is SERIOUSLY in the mail this time!"

And so, the offer arrived on Friday. But that's not the end of the story! The offer has my name most places (e.g. under signature line) except in the greeting it says "Dear Kristin." Which of course sent me into a tailspin of, oh my GOD this whole time they've been meaning to hire someone named Kristin! Except that doesn't make sense because my name is filled in correctly most places on the offer.

Anyway, beyond that I've now got a whole new set of worries. First, the reference check. The recruiting company I worked for said they'd be happy to give me a good reference but who really knows. The position was left off my resume and never brought up in interviews, but I did mention it to the recruiter briefly with an extremely vague answer as to why exactly I left...but...I'm just freaked out. Maybe I have no reason to be, but I have this problem with worrying and over-thinking things and seriously? My hair is falling out. It has been for awhile now. And I've been constipated for like two months and now I'm getting this weird rash on my face. Two weeks before the wedding! Awesome!

So yeah, that's the first thing. Second thing, my Master's degree. I don't technically have it yet, although I am done with all the coursework. Technically I need to work for three months before they will actually give me the degree so will my education check come up funky? Is this even something I need to worry about? I'm not sure. But I am worrying anyway. Because that's just how I roll.

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wingless was still breathing at 1:15 AM - 3 comments

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Of course, the money is nice

So, [knock on wood], I may soon be gainfully employed. And now that this offer is looming in my future and looks like a reality, a whole new can of worms has been opened up.

For instance, I've been so focused on finding a job, a particular type of job, with a particular type of company, in a particular industry that I forgot how much I hate working. Okay, I guess everyone hates working to an extent. Unfortunately, there seem to be very few people out there who work for the sheer love of whatever it is they do. But my problem is I've never been one to settle for doing something day after day that I don't absolutely love. Which is probably why I've bounced around into, now, four different industries. Industries that are basically completely unrelated to one another. I hope to God that I've finally found the right one, but how do I know until I try it? And let's face it, is there any entry level job that will keep my attention for more than three months?

I don't have the answer to any of these questions and being the control freak that I am this really bothers me.

What also bothers me is my deep love for sitting around in pajamas surfing the internet all damn day and the fact that this *job* I've been angling for, stressing for, hating myself for being unable to get...well it will take me away from my favorite hobbies: sleeping and doing absolutely nothing.

Of course the grass is always greener. As long as I'm unable to get a job I will want one. Because as long as I don't have one I will feel bad about what I do, which is nothing, and will grow weary of my dad asking me what my prospects are looking like. When I do finally get a job I will hate the monotony of my life and the eagerness with which I look forward to the weekends. I'm also starting to remember just how short those weekends are when you only get Saturday and Sunday off rather than the luxurious three, four, and sometimes even five day weekends that you take for granted when you're a student. Or how about this permanent weekend I've had since the beginning of May.

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wingless was still breathing at 1:00 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, May 20, 2007

More proof that I've mastered the art of over-dramatizing

It may be all that pear liquor and red wine and other random things I might have ingested in my intoxicated state (DON'T JUDGE ME) but I'm exhausted and completely ready for bed. And fully aware of the fact that it is not even six yet. And also contemplating another glass of...something. I am not an alcoholic. Really!

I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince Paul not to put ridiculously expensive things on our registry and (mostly) succeeded. Although there is still a $1500 treadmill on there. And a lot of random computer parts. I tried. And being the lush that I am I convinced him we must have a wine rack. Must. Have. Also, memory foam slippers. And also a Kenneth Cole wallet because look how cheap! I'm probably making it sound like we don't have a lot of actual wedding registry type items on our registry but we do. I swear. Skillets and sauce pans and a lamp and a convection oven and all that good stuff.

Tomorrow my job search begins again in earnest. The advice I have been given by my mom and grandma mainly consists of "Take it easy, Paul has a job." I plan to take that advice. Pfft, yeah right. Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a basket case when it comes to looking for work. It's not because I necessarily really want a job per se, but just because I really, really hate rejection and tend to go all psycho obsessive in the face of rejection. I imagine "taking it easy" will consist of writing five increasingly desperate sounding blog posts a day about how I will never find a job and end up a bag lady in San Francisco.

Which doesn't even really make sense since Paul DOES have a job and at worst we will probably just end up living in a really crappy apartment on the wrong side of town and I will be too scared to even leave the house and so will just turn into a pasty white, mole-like animal who must be coaxed into sunlight with beef jerky treats or something.

Yup, that sounds about right.

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wingless was still breathing at 5:43 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Thinking online (this post has no real point)

Before I came I wrote about how I'm one of those people who likes my space. Well, yeah, after four months this is really, really getting to me. And even though I am soo glad that my little sister is here, it's really not helping things in terms of the crowding. In fact, it means I now have to share my laptop on top of everything else.

Which, you know, is fine. I love my sister, I wanted her to come and I still want her here. I'm just really not used to being in such close quarters with so many people for such a long period of time. After all, I lived alone for two full years and for some reason I never felt crowded living with Paul. Just really, really happy. Which, I suppose, is why I'm marrying the man. We "mesh" so well it always felt like we were just one person, not two people sharing a space.

I guess part of it is that I'm a person who, when I'm feeling very overwhelmed emotionally, tends to shut off around people. Or I'd like to be able to shut off, close the door and just hide.

Last night I was feeling very "ugh" over some job-search-effort-related-stuff and there were just people everywhere. I hate it when the people around me know I'm depressed and I don't like to show my negative emotions. In fact, even when my grandmother died while I was here I barely cried because I just didn't feel comfortable doing that in front of my roommates. With Paul, I can let these things out because I don't mind telling him everything. If I'm grumpy I just tell him, I'm feeling grumpy and somehow he has this way of making me not grumpy. When I'm being my normal neurotic hyper-obsessive self, he has a way of calming me and reassuring me that things will be okay.

So I guess part of the reason I'm feeling so...antsy...crabby...generally annoyed and wanting to snap...is because I'm away from my security blanket (Paul).

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wingless was still breathing at 1:56 AM - 0 comments

Friday, April 20, 2007

Walk me down your broken line

I told you I'd be okay from now on. Or at least some of the time I will be anyway. I got a bad news email last night from the Financial Software Company informing me that the position they intended to interview me for has been canceled until further notice and that they'd contact me if it opened up again soon.

My first thought was not to do anything self-destructive like drink the 1/4 bottle of month old Bordeaux in the fridge or to curl up in a ball and wail. It was more like "oh well, that sucks." There are probably a few explanations for this totally reasonable, non-whacked out reaction. One, while the company seems reputable, stable and offers three weeks of vacation to start (!) it was a company that services investment companies and not actually an investment company, thereby automatically relegating it to a last option. The job equivalent of a "safety school" if you will. So it sucks to not have that, but it could be a lot worse. It could be one of my first choice jobs. Two, it was not a rejection and the recruiter seemed embarrassed about it, because yeah it makes you look flaky to cancel an interview at the last minute like that. That was one thing I really hated about recruiting, looking like I didn't have my sh*t together in front of a candidate. It's probably one of the few times that the candidate actually walks away with the upper hand because you know next time around, as a recruiter, you have to be on top of your game. And what sucks about it from the recruiting standpoint is that it's really not your fault, it's one of those things that gets decided way above your pay grade and you're just the one that has to relay the "oopsie" to the candidate.

The whole thing kind of just made me happy to not be recruiting anymore.

There's also a third reason I think I took the news relatively well, a reason guys probably won't get but girls might (or at least I think I'm not alone in this). I'm on the rag. Which, I know, you guys out there are going "But then shouldn't you be all irrational and sobbing uncontrollably and ripping the heads off small animals?" Yes and no. You see, I (and I think a lot of girls) have two kinds of periods: Happy Periods and Angry/Sad Periods. As Paul knows all too well, sometimes I have both types in one cycle. I'm sure those are especially fun for him.

Anyway, I'm having a Happy Period right now (with just a dash of Nostalgia) and so, maybe, this is why I'm okay.


wingless was still breathing at 7:52 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I'm feeling cautiously optimistic today. Sort of. I'm not really letting myself get too excited because I've been burned before.

Our term paper is almost done, a full three days ahead of schedule. Mark rocks, I swear that boy knows how to keep people on task. I'm just waiting to edit one more part and we're all good. It actually came out pretty well, if I do say so myself (and I do).

I have a face-to-face set up with Big Investment Bank when I get back to California and a phone interview with Financial Software company this Friday. I've also decided my strategy for informing the Even Cooler Investment Bank that I'm going to be back soon and still want the chance to interview with them if my Dream Job is still open. Heck, even if it's not, I'll take any job with Even Cooler Investment Bank.

It's funny, I decided last week that I am not going to LET myself freak out anymore. I am going to be calm and patient and not hyperventilate and imagine throwing myself off the roof every time I face an empty inbox. I am going to just trust that God didn't bring me this far in my life with no plan for me. So even if all of these job leads don't work out and I end up unemployed for months, I think I'm still going to be okay. In fact, I know it.

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wingless was still breathing at 1:19 PM - 0 comments

Friday, April 13, 2007

A big hot steaming cup of crazy

I spent the hour before my interviewing singing worship songs and praying. Praying that God would help me to realize this is not a big deal and to give me a bit of peace, which I seem to find so elusive. Ironic since my Chinese name means peace.

So I had the interview, it went...ok. Not great. Not completely awful. Solidly "ok." Paul didn't help by asking (after the interview), "Why didn't you mention that you knew derivatives are for hedging risk?!" Um, I don't know, I guess I should have but I was flustered and he asked me about my classes and I just said what we did in our classes which was arbitrage and pricing! Gah. Shoot me.

So anyway, now comes the hard part: The Waiting. It sounds like I will get an in-person interview but I know how these things work and unfortunately how it sounds doesn't so much matter until something solid is set up.

Oh God, I feel myself going through the conversation, picking at all the missed opportunities to chit chat and "connect" (Dangit! Why didn't I ask him about his experience in Paris when he mentioned how he'd love to trade places with me? GAH!). (Don't you hate it when you sit there and think about all the brilliant, witty things you COULD have said but didn't and now you can't because it's too late and woe is you, no one will ever hire you because you are slow and stupid, but talk too fast when you are nervous? Don't you?).

You know what though? It's okay. I got my feet wet again. Back in the interview groove. And looking forward to a big tub of sangria. I'm so glad it's perfectly acceptable to drink while the sun is up in Paris.

God help me, I love this city.


wingless was still breathing at 6:45 AM - 2 comments

Growing on me

I get it now. The whole Paris in the springtime thing? Totally getting it. In fact, I'm never coming to Paris again unless it is spring.

But that's really neither here nor there. The real question is why am I awake at three in the morning watching Scrubs when I should either be sleeping or studying for my big, long-awaited phone interview tomorrow. Yup, that's a good question alright.

Gah. Must. Shoot. Self. In. Foot.

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wingless was still breathing at 2:47 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The inner workings of lunacy

I'm a fraud.

Okay, perhaps that's a bit harsh. Fraud may not be the right word.

Chicken shit.

There that's better.

I received an email a few minutes ago from a recruiter from a major global investment firm wanting to know when I'm available for a phone interview and I can't breathe.

This is what I've been waiting for, what I've been bitching and whining for and I can't even bring myself to reply to the email because oh my GOD what am I going to say? How am I going to explain myself? I don't know anything. What if they ask me a question and I can't answer? How quickly am I going to flush this opportunity down the toilet?

And I can't figure out why I react this way. Why I have so little faith in myself when I'm so good at giving everyone else the necessary pep talks? How can this be?

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wingless was still breathing at 11:52 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007


I guess it's pretty obvious, but I feel compelled to say it anyway: I am not in an okay place right now. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a horrible place. I am not where I was a few years ago, locked in my studio for days at a time with no human contact and wondering what it would be like to slit my wrists in the shower. God willing I'll never be in that place again, but still, I'm not in a great place right now.

I kind of know what it's about, the job stuff, the wedding stress, being away from my family and Paul, an unpleasant roommate situation...I guess it's all of that and the uncertainty.

What the hell does the future hold?

And why can't I just trust that God is going to bring me through it, no matter what it is?

Why am I such a control freak?

Why am I so damn weepy all the time even though I had my period a week and a half ago? Why do I think about how if one more job inquiry goes unanswered I might throw myself out of a window?

Why do I call myself a loser and worthless and pathetic?

Why am I reverting to all this self-hate over something that's so insignificant in terms of eternity? My ability to find a job does not define my worthiness in the eyes of God. So why am I doing this to myself? Why am I buying into the way the world judges people? And why can't I stop myself from doing this?

Because I'm trying, or at least I think I am. I read my devotionals, and I try to take them to heart. The joy of the Lord is my strength. God can be trusted. I receive from God by faith. But I just can't make it stick for some reason.

For about five minutes I have that feeling of peace, that knowledge that things will be alright no matter what happens. And then I send out another email and get nothing back, and every time I check that damn inbox I feel my faith and sanity slipping away slowly.

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wingless was still breathing at 3:23 PM - 0 comments

Going all Bridezilla on your ass

Hey we've got an officiant! Paul found one over lunch because apparently one of his coworkers does that kind of thing in his spare time so Paul booked him on the spot. Finally, after months of no progress, we can cross one thing off the list.

So I went a little Bridezilla just now and I'm not making excuses for it but oddly enough I feel it has something to do with my job search. I think I feel like that is so out of my control that I need to start focusing on something that is completely and totally in my control. And when Paul suggested that I should give a rats behind about what one of his frat "bros" wants (to bring a certain person I do not like as a date), I kind of freaked out.

First of all, we established from the beginning of our wedding planning that only people in committed relationships would be allowed to bring their significant others. No casual dates. No friend dates. Only people who are expressly invited are to be there. This is partly to save money and partly because I just don't like the idea of a bunch of random people at my wedding...since most of our friends were single when we first started planning I figured this would work out anyway. Maybe Paul worded it wrong but when he said, "_____ wants to bring ____ as his date anyway even if we don't invite her." It just completely rubbed me the wrong way and I flipped out.

I almost cried a little as I typed cuss words at him about how I don't give a flying **** what _____ wants because it's not his damn wedding.

But you see, I know it can't just be about that. There's no way I'd get that emotional over something that's really not that big of a deal. It's more about control. Supposedly, I get to control this wedding and since I can't control anything else in my life at this point, nobody better even THINK about taking that away from me.

Or I will eat you.

The only people who can tell me what they want in terms of this wedding are 1) Paul and 2) my parents. And that's it. If your name is not on that list, I DON'T CARE. I don't want Paul's "bros" thinking this is some kind of Lameda party or reunion or something.

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wingless was still breathing at 2:22 PM - 0 comments

And being caught in between all you wish for and all you see....

My website seems to be down but happily blogger is not so here I am.

I'm in a weird mood today.

I spent half the morning looking for a sweatshirt I wore a couple nights ago when I had too much wine/sangria/beer. Then I spent most of lunch thinking about where I could possibly have put it in my drunken state. Then when I got home from lunch I found it in my dirty clothes bag. I guess I was more sober than I thought.

In case you were wondering, yes I am still having major hyper-obsessive issues over not being able to find a job. I know that everyone is right and that it probably will be a lot easier once I am actually not 5,000 miles away from all the companies I am applying to...but somehow this does not actually make me feel any better. The psycho control freak in me is still flipping out and dying a little bit inside every time I check my email inbox to no avail. I know I need to calm down though or I'm going to make myself sick. Maybe I should try, I don't know, working on some schoolwork or something since I'm technically still in school and all.

Oh yeah, then there's that whole wedding fiasco. Who knew that these things don't just plan themselves? So far we have no DJ, no officiant (!!!), no cake, no flowers, no invitations, no flower girl dress, no rehearsal dinner...the list has pretty much not changed at all since three months ago. Oh wait, I did reserve a block of hotel rooms so if you're coming to the wedding and you need a place to stay email me and I'll send you the hotel information.

So uh, don't ask me about the wedding please because I don't know! In fact, don't ask me about much of anything because I don't know that either. Don't know where I'll be living in two months, don't know where/if I'll be working, and don't you dare ask me where.

Please believe I'm not a total mess, I just sound like one.

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wingless was still breathing at 8:28 AM - 0 comments

Monday, March 26, 2007

God Can Be Trusted

That's what the Daily Devotion in my email inbox told me this morning.

I know this doesn't really seem related, but trust me it is. Somehow. I think. But, you know what really sucks about living with so many people? Even if you happen to really enjoy the company of two of those people? Is trying to cry silently in the bathroom so no one else can hear you.

I don't know why I'm letting the whole never going to find a job thing get me so freaking depressed. Maybe it's not just about that, I don't know.

I know I'm a huge freaking baby. So sue me.

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wingless was still breathing at 11:04 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Don't worry, I'm sick of it too

I keep starting this and then deleting it. Because, well, quite frankly I'm sick of hearing me whine about this. It makes me feel like I suck at life and have nothing else to say, which I suppose for the moment is the truth. (Although not the complete truth because! I have a lot to say! Because Paul was here! And he bought me a present from the LV store on the Champs Elysee! And I'm not totally spoiled or anything!)

Anyway, even though you don't want to hear it and I don't want to hear it I'm going to launch into this whole "Woe is me, nobody wants to hire me or even give me an interview for that matter" bit. Feel free to look away.

I've learned not even to get my hopes up. For example, I was referred this past week by a relative of mine who is somewhat of a VIP in one of the major auditing firms. Am I surprised that I heard nothing from the recruiter who was supposed to be in contact with me? Nope. Just incredibly depressed because once again the crickets are chirping and they're saying that I suck.

The Hubs says I just need to be a bit more patient, but even he agrees that a recruiter shouldn't take three days to respond, particularly not when you've been referred by someone up there in the company. So I'm taking it as rejection until I hear otherwise.

I think I'm going to go wallow in my pathetic-ness now. Or maybe do something productive like look for more companies I can get rejected by.


wingless was still breathing at 7:13 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Everything's gonna be alright...maybe

So that feeling of discouraged, panicky, desperation has returned in full force.

I had a good prospect, nay, a friggin' great prospect. But unfortunately my contact heard nothing back and I was supposed to follow up myself on it tomorrow but today the job disappeared off the company website. Ugggh. It was an ideal position in so many ways (the position itself, the company, the location, etc.) and now it's gone. Poof. Off the company website. And for some reason I find this to be completely crushing because I guess I had put so much hope into getting this job. This job was my holy grail of jobs and now it's gone. And I didn't even get a chance to bomb the interview.

Luckily I have a big glass of Bordeaux to comfort me. But I'm still not very comforted. Mostly just depressed and feeling that feeling I used to feel in high school when I was afraid I wouldn't get into college and I'd end up living as a bum inside of a cardboard box on the streets of San Francisco. (Yes, I realize I'm being melodramatic but I don't care, this is how I feel).

I know that I have to remember God has a plan for me and this is just all a part of it. Trust in the Lord and all that good stuff, I know it, I'm just having a hard time feeling it. I mostly just feel like a pathetic, crazy loser with no chance at a decent career. And when I feel like this it's really hard for me to "let go" of things and "just believe" that God will lead me to where I'm supposed to be. What can I say? It's the control freak in me. I have this obsessive need to know where I'm going and what's happening next. And maybe this is exactly the habit that God is trying to break me of, that feeling that I am in control. Because I'm not. Oh boy, am I not. Maybe that's the reason for all of this, the racist roommate from hell, the rejection, the desperation. Maybe this is the process, maybe He is breaking me.

But I still hate that feeling of not knowing.

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wingless was still breathing at 4:51 PM - 0 comments

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Mouth: Insert foot

Since my last post I've calmed down a bit. But only a tiny bit since I was just r-e-j-e-c-t-e-d for a position I thought I at least had a decent shot at. On the upside, it was an actual rejection made by someone with a pulse. So I guess I got my wish or something. At least it wasn't rejection via silence and crickets chirping and an empty inbox. Of course I'm pretty sure the only reason I got any sort of response at all was because it was one of those referral things, from someone relatively high up in the company. I don't think "you're not qualified" (written of course in a much nicer way) usually warrants an email from a real human being.

Anywho, I guess the next logical thing to wish for is to not be rejected and to get an actual interview and an actual good job (see I'm learning, not wishing for the lowest common denominator, wish for everything at once!). By my count I have two more solid chances at this point, one through a cousin and one through one of my French professors. Two solid chances to not be a loser and wind up as an administrative assistant. Please dear God.


wingless was still breathing at 2:36 PM - 0 comments

Monday, March 05, 2007

Gimme something with a beat

Well, it's March. Which means I'm officially less than half a semester away from being done with school. Again. Which also means my job search has been kicked into high gear - or at least attempting to be kicked into high gear.

But for some reason I feel very discouraged. And somewhat worthless. And a little bit like I will never find anyone to hire me again. Rationally, I know this is a silly fear, I may have things to explain in my employment history but I'm intelligent, well-educated and competent and eventually I will find someone to give me a chance. At least, this is what my brain tells me. I'm pretty sure that in my heart I don't quite believe it.

Last night Paul and I talked about how he needs to be more aggressive in his career, or at least learn how to fake it. He said that it's unfair for me to compare myself to him because I'm naturally outgoing.

To which I said, HA!


But I suppose, to those who are not me, this is how it would seem. And I suppose that compared to Paul, yes I am more outgoing. Although, really, this is not saying all that much.

On the inside though? I'm a freaking basket-case with a moderate-to-severe case of social anxiety disorder. Maybe everyone is like this on the inside, I really don't know because like most people I tend to think I am unique in my secret lunacy. All I know is that I pretty much have to force every type of social interaction on myself because when all is said and done I'll spend days agonizing over every word, every possible thing I might have said that someone could have taken the wrong way, every glance, every silence and by the end of all the thinking I'll pretty much have convinced myself that everyone I spend time with hates me and thinks I am annoying and should just go away and rot in a corner somewhere. I can fake "sociable" pretty well, I just pay for it later.

Okay, I don't know what the point of that little aside was, except maybe to lay the groundwork for the fact that I tend to get inside my head and drive myself nuts a lot of the time.

And right now I happen to be driving myself batty because it's been over a month since I started sending out resumes and cover letters and so far I have heard back from...Zip, Zilch, and Nada. No one with a pulse has even sent me a "We got your resume and we'll let you know if/how we want to proceed soon." If I got just one email that was attached to an actual heartbeat rather than a robot I think it would go a long way to making me less stressed out.

I swear, this feels like that dream where you went to school naked.


wingless was still breathing at 4:38 AM - 0 comments

Friday, March 02, 2007

*knock on wood*

There's a rumor going around the hubs office. Word has it that my man is going to be getting a promotion and a big raise soon. Probably before June. And when I say big, I mean like all told he'll probably be doubling his current salary. Of course it's all a rumor right now, but if it's true that means the pressure's off me, in terms of finding a job the moment I step back on American soil. Phew. Thanks baby! This marriage thing ain't half bad.

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wingless was still breathing at 5:23 AM - 0 comments

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I see London, I see France...

If you're looking for pictures...well there aren't any yet. Instead I'm going to tell you about how I'm cranky and it's partly due to PMS but also partly due to the fact that I didn't get enough sleep yesterday which by the way was Valentine's Day which by the way I spent waiting to talk to my fiance on the phone except his plane to JFK ended up being diverted to Atlantic City where he spent 5-6 hours on the runway and then his cell phone died and they finally let him out into the airport where he found a computer and sent me an email but by then it was already 1 a.m.

That was a fun run-on sentence, wasn't it?

So now it is today but almost tomorrow and I STILL haven't actually been able to speak to Paul on the phone because he's been in some bank loan conference thingy all day and now I'm pretty sure his phone has died because it tends to die after simply being on for more than 2 hours.

So what does everybody think about me maybe telling Paul we should move to Paris because one of the professors offered to help me get into a couple companies I'd really love to get into but he only has connections in France. And possibly London. But who wants to go to crappy London where the food sucks and gum costs 15 dollars? Not me.

Paris I could tolerate for a couple years.

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wingless was still breathing at 1:41 PM - 0 comments

Friday, February 02, 2007

Will work for um...well mainly just money

So, hey, I'm looking for a job again. Um..anyone have a job lying around?

The worst thing about job hunting is how rejected I feel everytime I check my inbox and the only emails in there are asking me if I want penis cream or viagra. Sigh. Just give me a chance! I swear I don't even smell or anything.

Maybe I should put that on my cover letter.


wingless was still breathing at 6:44 AM - 1 comments

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